Part 16 - When There Is Darkness There Must Also Be Light!!!

     Hello and welcome to Part 16 of The Rendering!  I am going to go about this week's post a little different.  I titled this post "When There Is Darkness There Must Also Be Light!!!" because I have spoken about some of the bad things that happened in my past that I feel I have been a direct influence on my weight issues but I also want to tell you about some of my favorite memories as well.

     As we approach the upcoming holidays I find myself reflecting more this year than ever before.  This will be my first holiday season that we will spend without my mother.  I am reminded of years gone by and just how great that my family has made those memories for me.

     Halloween has always been one of my favorite times of year.  If you know me, or anything about my family, you know that my parents and sisters and I have always made the holidays special.  Our house is always decorated with lights and characters and all sorts of accoutrements.  As usual, we have decorated this year, not to the usual full extent, but we still have some things out.  

      This little haunted tree is just a small example of the myriad of decorations we use around this time of year.  This one is special to us because my mom actually made it.

     I can remember getting all dressed up in some costume, always handmade never store-bought.  Being a "fat kid", I always had to be creative with my costumes.  I can remember many times being upset because I couldn't make a costume work with my size but my father would always sit down with me and make something work.  He made sure we had fun.  We would gather up with our oldest sister and head out for some fine trick-or-treats.

      As a kid, especially a fat one, what could be more fun than going out for some delicious trick-or-treat candy?  I will be the first to admit that perhaps, enjoying candy and treats could have lead to a lifetime battle with obesity but this is one thing I would not trade in because the good memories are priceless to me.  We would walk the neighborhood for what seemed like hours and then head home.  The night wouldn't be over there though.  Next came time to inspect the trick-or-treat booty!

      This is generally what the haul looked like but there were still some goodies yet to come!  My parents were a bit unconventional when it came to what we gave out on Halloween.  As times would change and things became a bit more difficult with trusting Halloween goodies we would also change but in the beginning we were known as the doughnut house.  

      Now, I don't mean some store-bought processed doughnut.  My mom would make some of the greatest homemade doughnuts I have ever tasted.  I can easily see why this was, for sure, a contributing factor to my weight issues but I also remember them fondly.  I remember the smell of the entire house on doughnut making day.  You knew Halloween was right around the corner!

     There were years where my parents and older sister would go out of their way to convert our basement into a "haunted house" for our friends and us.  There would be all sorts of "scares" then some games and what not.  As the years passed and we moved on from trick-or-treating my sister and I would have our own Halloween traditions.  I would spend time making the doughnuts with my mom and then she and I would count trick-or-treaters as my dad and older sister would hand out candy.  

     Now that I am older and going down this journey to lose weight, I look back on these memories and realize that, even though I recall so many dark times growing up, there were several rays of light.  Sure, some of the good memories include candy and doughnuts but to me it is so much more.  They include family and times of laughter and fun.  I can take these memories and find a lesson to make wiser decisions about the food I now consume as well.  I know this Halloween will be a bit tough to stay positive but I have to look at it this way, I know my mom will be with us in spirit and I will still have the rest of my family to keep making good memories with.  Mom would be so upset if I turned my back and didn't celebrate the holidays and it sometimes takes a special person to remind me of that.  Thanks.  I also have a very special responsibility to my Godchildren.  They come to my house trick-or-treating and I want them to have their own good memories.  My mom so loved seeing them and their parents when they came.  It is hard for me to type this but I want the world to know just how special my mom was.  She loved my best friend and his wife as if they were her own kids and she loved their kids as well.  I hope they all have some of the same good memories that I do when times seem dark.

     My Godchildren are a huge reason why I am fighting this battle.  I cannot express how much of an honor it was when I was asked to be their Godfather.  I love them so much and I don't want to just be a "memory" for them.  I want to be around to make good memories with them.  I have so many that I want to be here to make memories with and I am committed to doing all I can to be around as long as I can.  So, with that being said, I guess we should address the reason you all follow, THE NUMBERS!  

 BOOM!!! DON'T CALL IT A COME BACK...

     Wait...no, it is not time to bust out an old LL Cool J song but it is an improvement.  I have managed to drop 7 lbs of the dreaded 35 lbs. that I put on with my "little" set back last week.  I have seen the doctor and we are addressing the water retention issue more aggressively than before and I am optimistic that this will help.  The grand total has returned to 93 lbs. lost!  I know some that will say that you don't subtract from a total lost if you gain some back but that is what I do.  I use my stumbles to motivate me.  If life knocks me back an inch I am determined to take back a mile!

      For those that live in a nutshell...this is Yoda, a Jedi master.  Why the heck would I include a picture of Yoda in this week's post you might ask?  Well, even though Yoda, in reality, is just a small puppet enhanced by computer graphics and great voice actors and puppeteers, he has wisdom.  I have recently come to the realization that, perhaps, there was some miscommunication about my intentions regarding my battle with weight loss.  I turn to Yoda to clarify...

"Do... or do not.  There is no try."

-Yoda-

      I think that says it all.  I am "doing" and I refuse to "do not".  I will succeed because I will not "try".  I found something that made me laugh and it embodies some words a friend spoke to me.  He spoke of turning idle anger from setbacks and failure into a rage, a rage that could be used to turn the tides during those times.  Now, I know a thing or two about rage in my life and using it to my advantage.  So I will use this to motivate me and make me chuckle a bit.  

      Yes indeed my friends, that is YODA HULK!!!  It sure as hell isn't Hoagie Boy, like I sometimes get confused for, but it is what I envision my determination to look like now.  I can do anything when I am angry enough!

     I will leave you all with that image this week.  Perhaps you too can find a Yoda Hulk within yourselves when you face setbacks.  Use your rage to turn the tides.  As usual, I would like to thank all of you for your support and I would like to especially thank those of you that don't hold back sometimes when I need a verbal smack in the face with a shovel.  I get it now.  I want to wish all of you a safe and happy Halloween season.  I would ask you all to keep in mind that you can make good memories with your loved ones even if there is a treat or two.  It is up to you to choose what you eat.  As always, please share this post on your pages because you never know who might need a bit of encouragement in their struggle.  We are touching lives out there.  Much love and God bless you all.  VIVE LA FAT REVOLUTION!!!  To be continued...