Part 15 - Everbody Has A Plan...And I Didn't Duck!!!

"Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face."

-Mike Tyson-

     As far as I am concerned, in reference to this journey you have all been following me on, these words could not be truer.

     Allow me to first welcome you all to Part 15 of The Rendering.  I started this blog fifteen weeks ago with a simple purpose.  I wanted to share my day-to-day journey battling weight loss.  I was in hopes that perhaps my story would be able to inspire others with hope and positivity.  I wanted to say to them, "you too can be successful!"  More so, I truly was hoping to create a circle of support for my own journey.  The stories of others' successes with their own personal journeys was an inspiration for me.  Somebody saying to me, "you got this!"  For the most part, I have not been disappointed.  The outpouring of friendship, love, compassion, and support I have received has warmed my heart and brought tears to my eyes.  I was not alone.  I knew there would be weeks of success and weeks where I would stumble.  I HAD A PLAN!  Sadly, Iron Mike Tyson said it best.  I had a plan right up to the point that life punched me squarely in the face.  I guess the next question is...what am I going to do?  

     As you all may have already surmised, this week was one of those weeks where I have stumbled.  Hell, stumble isn't even the right word for it.  I just have to show you...

      This picture shows EXACTLY how I have stumbled this week.  Some of you will recognize this right away, but for those of you that do not, this is known as "GETTING SCORPIONED!"  You plant your face so badly that your feet meet the back of your head and you vaguely resemble, you guessed it, a scorpion.

     Don't take my word for it.  Here are the numbers...

 

     No folks, I did not make a mistake and put up the wrong picture.  Boy howdy, do I wish that I had done just that.  However, the numbers are what the numbers are.  I have GAINED 35 LBS!  With that being said, I now must recalculate my total lost weight and that would now be, 88 lbs. in total weight lost.  Now, 88 lbs. lost is still a terrific achievement but it isn't the 121 lbs. that I was once at.  

     I would first like to issue an apology to all of you who have supported me and stood by me throughout this journey.  I have come up short this week and I have let you all down.  I will not make excuses, nor will I not take personal responsibility for this but I will state some facts that might explain how I was able to gain so much weight in one week.  Let's start with the mistakes that I have made.  This past week I did not track my food as religiously as I should have.  I allowed myself to grow complacent even though I have written about avoiding that very pitfall.  I thought that I could manage my points in my head.  I was wrong.  Also, I ran afoul of another trap...

      I allowed myself too much leeway when it came to sugary desserts and treats.  I understand that I have told you all that the Weight Watchers program that I am doing does not mean you have to "give up" desserts and treats, however for me, I have to eliminate what I am calling "trigger" foods.  I lost sight of that last fact.  I was allowing myself to have a decadent dessert here or a sweet treat there.  Along with the fact that I wasn't tracking my points properly, there could be only one result.  I began gaining some of the lost weight back.  I knew that I would have to face the music soon but that is where that little sickness that lurks in the back of my mind comes roaring up to the forefront.  I was enjoying the delicious food and damn the consequences!  I had shrugged off the obvious knowledge that every bite I took was pushing me one bite closer to an early death. 

     Now that I have covered the part of this equation that I was directly responsible for, I will tell you of the medical issues that, I believe, are partially responsible for my weight gain.  When I began writing this blog I briefly covered some of the medical issues caused by my super-morbid obesity.  Back in the year 2000, I was involved in an automobile accident which, resulted in a fairly serious injury to my abdomen.  The seat belt that I was wearing tore a section of my abdomen open internally causing a large hematoma or a large blood blister of sorts.  A few weeks after the accident, the hematoma became abscessed and I had to undergo surgery to save my life.  Over the next few months I had to remain basically bed ridden and under the care of a home visiting nurse to ensure that the damaged abdomen healed properly.  When all was said and done the surgeon had removed between 1 and 2 liters of infected blood and tissue from my damaged abdomen.  I am sorry for speaking of such a disgusting situation but I want you all to know exactly how my obesity has affected me physically.  I did say from the very start of this blog that I would be 100% open and honest.  Once I was fully healed, I, as you might expect, had a large amount of internal scar tissue.  Thus, then, I come to how medically; I can answer for some of the weight gain.  Due to my super-morbid obesity, I have a large amount of strain pulling down from where my "belly" hangs.  This strain causes the previously mentioned scar tissue to stress and tear a bit resulting in a case of cellulitis.  For those that do not know, cellulitis is a soft tissue infection and it just plain SUCKS!  With out getting to in depth, here is a quick description of the symptoms.  At first, the infected area will be warm, red, swollen, and tender. As the infection spreads, you may have a fever, chills, and swollen glands.  Once this infection gets rolling, it really can knock a person off their feet quite quickly.  I tell you all of this so you have the background information of what I have been dealing with ALL of last week.  I have been battling reoccurring cellulitis infections since late 2000 and according to several doctors; as long as I am this obese I will continue to deal with it.  As a result of my recent weight loss, I have notice that I was not having as many issues with the infection returning.  That was until I started putting weight back on.  This past Sunday evening, the infection returned and returned with a vengeance.  As a result of the infection, I experience edema or an abnormal accumulation of fluid in my abdomen and legs.  It is this fluid that I attribute to some of the weight gain.  I also, as I stated in an earlier post, have symptoms of mild congestive heart failure, which also causes fluid retention, especially during the periods that I have this infection.

     I know that I have thrown out a lot of information right there but I wanted you all to have the facts.  In short, my complacency in regards to working the program opened the door for a myriad of weight gaining opportunities. 

     In the end, it is not the fall that is of any importance but rather, will I be able to get up and dust myself off, take my lumps, and get back on track?  There was never any question in my mind as to what that answer is.  YES, YES, YES!!!  I have come too far to be taken out so easily.  I owe it, not only to myself, but also to each and every one of you that has believed in me.  I owe it to my father, my sisters, my brothers, my nieces and nephews, and to all of my other friends and family.  I owe it to my mother, to honor her and to prove to her that she was right to say that she believed in me.  So, HELL NO!  I will not lie down and die.  I will take life's best punch and I will get back up!  There are two quotes from one of my favorite movie franchises, Rocky, that sums it up for me...

     "Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!" -Rocky Balboa-

     "I didn't hear no bell..." -Rocky Balboa-

     I know there are some that will read this and find these quotes a bit cheesy, but they actually speak to me and inspire me to keep getting up.  I will end this week's post by once again saying that I apologize for letting you all down but I will keep getting up and moving forward.  I have also noticed that the views and the comments over the last few weeks have declined so I would ask for your opinions.  Is this blog losing its steam?  What can I include that might help somebody out there that may be struggling?  I am always open to listening to the opinion of others.  As always, I thank you all for your support.  Please share this post on your pages because you never know who might need a bit of encouragement in their struggle.  We are touching lives out there.  Much love and God bless you all.  VIVE LA FAT REVOLUTION!!!  To be continued...