Hello and as always welcome to The Rendering!!! This week I offer you all Part 32 - Let's Take A Ride On The Waaaaaayback Machine!!! This will be the first post of the "new plan" era, the first post with no weigh-in numbers so I offer you this for my weight report...
Yep, you all, just like me, will have to wait for it until next week. Now don't expect too much from the first weigh-in as it isn't for a whole month but I am working at it.
I have had a rather rough week this week and I can honestly say that I am glad it is over. As rough as this week was however, I was able to take some knowledge and inspiration from it. One of the biggest issues that I have had to deal with this week has been a nasty leg infection. If you have been following my blog you will undoubtedly know that I have battled this issue of soft tissue infection for well over a decade. Sadly, it is just another consequence of obesity. This time it was in my calf. It is quite common for an obese person to develop what are known as venous leg ulcers which allow bacteria in. This was exactly my case. So I have been battling that fun little bugger with antibiotics but it hasn't made life any easier. I missed work, which not only makes people there upset but I also lose that money which isn't a good thing now either. Due to my leg, I have had some downtime and I saw a show where another obese man was discussing the things that he has missed out on due to him being too large. Between losing the work time and seeing this show I got to thinking, how many things, opportunities, and experiences have I allowed my uncontrollable addiction to steal from me? I have always known that being fat would cost me but I have never looked at the little things most people take for granted. Now, I am not seeking your pity but I am just trying to show you how even I have not taken notice of ALL that obesity steals from people.
For example, this is the entrance to Dragon Mountain. Dragon Mountain is a roller coaster at Marineland Canada. I have such fond memories of that when I was young. Not only that ride in particular but so many others, log rides, bumper cars, tilt-a-whirl, all of these stolen from me! I love carnival rides but nope, not for a fat guy. It pisses me off that I have allowed myself to be stolen from.
I have lost so many other things as well. I can't remember a time when I could walk into any clothing store and buy something off the shelf. Even in the big and tall store I am very limited. I used to love riding a bicycle but "fat" chance of that now. I had to have a $2000 dollar suit specially tailored for me just so I could do the honor of being in my friends' weddings. In the show I watched, the guy had always wanted to ride a horse. I have no desire to ride a horse but I couldn't even if I wanted to. Could you imagine the look on a horses face if it saw me coming?
Awe Hell No!
I could go on I am sure but you get the point. These robberies were in my past and if I had a wayback machine I might be able to change this but I can't so I say let the past be the past but the future is mine!
This week also brought a few interpersonal battles as well. Yes, these stressed me out and I am sure that I have some responsibility to accept in these but one comment in particular really struck me. It wasn't because it was an overly hurtful statement but more so because it was partially true. The truth hurts indeed. I was told that I was acting very much like a politician. Now, to some that may seem like an odd or even complimentary statement but from this individual it was not. I was then told that I was making statements with my words that I was not backing up with my actions. As I pondered this statement I realized that there were several times that I was doing just that. I was being a politician.
To thine own self be true indeed. Old Bill Shakespeare said it best. I can BS everybody and I can say what I want and
words can come out of my mouth, believe me I have done all of that stuff,
but I have to know to myself that my motives for something are clean and good
and honest. Just like I cannot fool God by hiding my sins, no matter how hard I try I cannot lie to myself. I am actually glad that this person called me out. What is that old saying? You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time but you can't fool all of the people all of the time. It is those people that see through my deceptions that I need to keep me honest. That is why they are in our lives I believe. I am not saying that I am being deceitful intentionally but part of this addiction finds ways to convince me I am doing right when I am not. That is why I have changed my plan, to keep it fresh and new. Someone once told me that the healthier I get, the smarter and craftier my addiction gets. That is why I need vigilance, accountability, and faith in my life. We all need these things to succeed.
Last week I said faith without action is dead and this week I was reminded that this is true, faith can move mountains but don't be surprised when God hands you a shovel. I cannot allow myself to forget ever that every morning I wake up, there is no wayback machine that will let me change my past but my future is in my hands. Hands that my God has given to me to DO WORK! The work will be hard and tiresome but the prize is so worth it.
Sure, I could sit back and say that I have lost so much throughout my life that it isn't fair for me to have to do so much just to break even. I could whine and complain that this addiction and obesity has stolen so much from me and now it wants more which isn't fair to me. I am sure we all have situations that we are in that we do not feel are fair to us.
LIFE'S NOT FAIR!!!
If life was fair, I would be dead! Over the course of our existence we all brush death on a daily basis and never are the wiser for it. We go on whining and complaining when we should be thankful for all of the blessings that we do have.
Can I get an amen?!?! I say if you are a believer or not, take a moment to be thankful for what you do have and not so focused on what you have lost.
I will close this week's post with this. We all hide our true selves and only reveal them under the guise of anonymity. It is so much easier to be ourselves when we cannot be held accountable by those around us. I am attempting through this blog and through my Weight Watchers meetings to rip off the mask that keeps the true me comfortable. I want the world to see my true face no matter how much it may hurt. By totally exposing myself I hope to be one step ahead of my addiction. I will do my best to never step into the wayback machine in my mind and hear the voices that made me hurt so much back then. I will only look forward and be thankful for the blessings to come. If I speak the words I will take it upon myself to do everything in my power to honor them. My word is my bond and the words of the past will no longer be my bonds!
As always, thank you all for the support and please share this with all that will read it. I look forward with great anticipation to the future and all that it holds. God bless you all. To be continued...
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