Part 31 - Truth Or Consequences...Breaking Down My Walls

     Deja vu??  A late season rerun perhaps??  Maybe you think that I have just re-posted last week's blog to save me time or work?  The answer my friends to all of the above is...NO!

Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

-Albert Einstein-

     That my good friends, is exactly what I have been doing lately.  I have been following my plan and writing this blog and trying to find different ways to share my journey with you all and then being disappointed with the minimal results.  According to Mr. Einstein, I am a bit insane.  Heck, who am I to argue with Big Al?  The truth is, contrary to the belief of some, I am actually not insane but as I look at it, I am just not applying myself as efficiently as I could be.  That changes here and now!

     Ladies and gentleman, children of all ages, and the millions and....MILLIONS...in attendance at their computers, Fat Guy Productions proudly brings to you the writings of a large man out to change the world!!  I give you Part 31 of The Rendering...Truth Or Consequences...Breaking Down My Walls!!!  Enough of this palaver, let's get the show on the road! 

     Over the past weeks I have given you the layout for my "new" plan.  I have laid it out there about my fears and facing them.  I have shown you that we all must armor ourselves heading into battle.  I have pointed out how to recognize not only the obvious demons but also the wolves in sheep's clothing.  Finally and most importantly I have shared with you all that I cannot do this alone.  That I must have complete faith in God that he will give me this victory!  Now it is time to ramp this up and hit the post!  I have the tools but no matter how many tools and how much faith I have, faith without action is dead.  No plan will ever come to fruition unless you attack!  So it begins anew!  
     I am going to be changing this up a bit but please let me explain.  For those that don't know too much about me, back in the early 2000's I was able to lose 234 lbs.  I did this by a very reduced caloric intake along with the help of a weight loss specialist and a dietary therapist.  Lastly, to help me lose that much weight I was also using a prescription appetite suppressant medicine called Phentermine.  The good news, I lost 234 lbs.  The bad news, Phentermine is dangerous!  Not only did it make me extremely aggressive but also it did some long-term damage to my heart muscles.  Sadly, after I stopped using this drug I put all the weight plus some back on.  I have battled weight loss ever since.  So why do I bring this up?  I do so because while my current course of action is showing some positive results, the results can and will be better!  I am going to tweak my routine a bit and incorporate some of the original routine with some of what I do now and then hammer it all until it fits with my "new" game plan.  
     My first big problem comes from an old enemy that I wrote about many, many months ago.

      Do you all remember this guy?  If you are new to this blog you may not, but for those that have been with me for a while now, you know this little devil to be the INFAMOUS FATYPUS!!
     May I take this moment to suggest that you read my post from August 17, 2013 to familiarize yourself with him?  So why has the Fatypus become more of a problem for me?  Well, as luck would have it, and as I have stated many times before, I am a stress eater among many other things.  I have come to realize that even though I do not step on the scale more than once a week I was TOTALLY stressing myself out over the numbers.  I was getting down right depressed that I was showing little to no progress when I knew I was working at it.  Pretty much every time I would show a gain in weight I knew EXACTLY why that was and I have to own that.  So here is where the blending of routines begins.  I still have every intention of attending my Weight Watchers meetings for as long as I can afford to.  I cannot guarantee how long I will be able to afford the monthly cost of Weight Watchers due to upcoming job instability issues but I will continue as long as I can.  I have faith that God will provide if that is His path for me.  While I will attend my weekly Weight Watchers meetings I only intend to weigh in once a month.  Now I am not sure how the people at Weight Watchers will feel about this decision or what exactly their rules and regulations are for weigh-ins but I will cross that bridge when I come to it.  I am choosing to switch to one weigh-in per month for this reason.  I find that when given a longer time frame to work in with out constantly fussing over a number I get better results.  If I lose 2 lbs. per week let's say, I do not feel as good about it as if I lose 8 lbs. for the month.  I know, it is just a little mental trick but I find it more encouraging and I know already that it is a proven method that works for me.  You may find some that say you need the weekly weigh-ins to keep you on track but let's all be honest here, you know how you have behaved each week.  As long as we stay committed to the program and accountable to each other we will still see success.  
     Staying accountable to one another is a very important part of my current routine that I will combine in the new routine.  I love the support that I get from my Weight Watchers meetings and my weight-loss buddies that have been supporting me along my journey.  I do find that when I do not attend a meeting, for whatever reason, I have trouble staying on track for the week.  It is for this reason, that I feel the Weight Watchers meetings themselves are a key component for my success in my "new" plan.  
     OK...We have monthly weigh-ins and weekly meetings.  A bit of the old and the new, so what's next?  I am changing my food intake a bit too.  I love the system of points that I use with Weight Watchers even though I have been a bit lax with my tracking to say the least.  I need to be stricter and not try to play the system.  Weight Watchers is a program that works not a game.  I need to be reminded that no matter how slick I think I am being, I can't play the program.  With that said, I have found that I need to be a bit more rigid with the foods that I do eat.  I like that fact that there is no "off limits" food with Weight Watchers but you have to know that some foods are far higher in points than others and not as good for you.  For me, I need to set some "off limits" foods.  That openness may work for some but sadly, my addiction to food makes it hard for me to work within the boundaries of some foods.  Therefore, if I "ban" certain foods as I did way back when I lost so much weight and I replace them with far better substitutes I will be able to eat more good foods and not run the risk of flying way off track.  I took the first steps guided by the Weight Watchers program and as long as I can afford membership and the tracking tools, I will now step it up a level and track better food choices still within my points.
     Now comes the hardest change of all.  I must commit to get some wiggle in my jiggle!  I don't mean once a week or once in a while.  This has been the hardest part for me to be committed and honest about.  I have the resources now, heavy bag, and resistance bands, exercise bike, DVD's, free weights, and even a treadmill.  The weather is getting warmer now too so I have no reason not to be out walking or being more active.  There was a term used this week at Weight Watchers that I truly loved, exercuses!  It seems like I can always find an excuse to avoid the exercise.  Sometimes you just have to suck it up and get it done.  I have told you all that I am going to have walked a total of 365 miles in 365 days and let me tell you...I ONLY HAVE 9 MILES WALKED!!  Even though that is easily 9 miles more than I had last year it is still shameful.  I have made a promise to do this and I keep hearing my mother's voice ringing in my head that a man is only as good as his word.  I MUST do this!
     As far as the specialists and therapists go, I have been having regular contact with my primary doctor throughout this journey and all of the support I have gotten from my family and friends along the way is far better therapy than I was getting the last time.
     So now for the elephant in the room...

    This is Phentermine.  This was the little bugger that managed to suppress the hunger inside.  I will say that it did indeed work but at what price.  I am not seeking a Pyrrhic victory here I am seeking, and I will find, TRUE VICTORY!  
     The shiny bow that I will wrap this whole "new" plan package up with is simple, for me there is but one place to find true victory...

      My victory is in Jesus and my faith in God to lead me to victory in my journey is the most important part of my "new" plan.  Allow me to say this again though, FAITH WITHOUT ACTION IS DEAD!  I can also hear my mother's words when she would say that God helps those who help themselves.  I am taking action and trusting in God and I will win!
     I know this week has been a bit different but when I found that I felt like I was just treading water I knew it was time to change up the game.  Now, let's break down some walls, let's speak some truths and bust some myths.
     Earlier this week I asked for people to give me some honest answers regarding any and all negative stereotypes about fat people that they have either thought themselves or had heard of.  I wanted to include this in this week's post because I have had to listen to some truly ignorant people spewing some truly vile things about over-weight people this week.  When I started writing this blog I did so with the intent of not only helping or inspiring people with weight issues but to try to educate others that may be the type of people that make life very hard for us that battle weight issues.  Now I won't make excuses for some of the stereotypes that I have seen in the responses but I will be open and honest and perhaps some people will think before the speak.  Here is a list of several of the stereo types out there all given to me from several sources and also heard many times myself.  I will address each stereotype with truth not excuse in RED ITALLICS: 

STEREOTYPES

• I would date you if you lost 100 lbs. because you have a pretty face. - Not everybody will be attracted to each other but overweight people feel the need for love and companionship just as much as thin people.  I am personally of the opinion that if you make a comment like this you are far to shallow too be bothered with anyway so move along and find somebody equally as shallow as you are. 
• How could you have let yourself go to such a degree? - Before you make a comment like this you may need to look at the whole picture.  This is the old; don't judge a book by its cover issue.  Yes, sometimes we gain weight because we just let ourselves go but there is usually a much deeper reason for it.  Take some time and get to know a person before you judge them.
• Why can't you just control your eating, don't you have any will power? - This is one of my favorites.  The truth is that food addiction is just that, an addiction.  Sometimes will power is not enough to stop the hunger that grows inside and sometimes will power doesn't stop the pain or fill the hole that the food will.
• Being passed over for promotion based on size. - While this is a sad truth, it does happen.  Sometimes it is warranted because as a fat person I can honestly say my work performance has been affected by my weight.  I can't even get hired if the field I went to school for due to the fact that I physically cannot do the job.  Other times however, the stigma of being obese can cost you a promotion or job without ever being given a chance to prove yourself.
• Fat people are ugly. - Well, indeed there is some truth to this but not based on the fact that they are fat alone.  We all find different things about different people attractive and we will not all agree on that but to say that ALL fat people are ugly is a bit short-sighted and again, shallow.
• Fat people are lazy. - This particular statement, again, is not true overall.  Yes, there are some fat people that are lazy.  I have said it myself that I have a large lazy streak in me that I hate but the truth is, at least in my case, I am not just lazy to be lazy.  It takes a great deal more effort for me to move this much mass around and whether or not most people realize this, it hurts almost constantly to move.  So yes, laziness is an attribute of obesity but I can show you several hard working fat people that would disagree with this statement.
• Fat people don't care about their appearance. - For the most part this is completely false.  Most of us care very much so about how we appear but we are also very limited on clothing choices.  Most obese people do the best they can to appear respectable.
• Fat people don't care about their health or families. - Again, this is so untrue.  Sure there are some that would fit this mold but for the most part people that battle weight issues care more about their health even though they may be unsuccessful at improving it.  Nobody likes to live in poor health but that is part of the disease of obesity.  As far as their families are concerned, we care very deeply for our families especially because that is sometimes the only source of safety and love we know.
• Fat people like to over-eat. - There is a term called ingestion analgesia, which refers to our brains releasing reward chemicals when we eat.  So yes this is true to some degree but in the case of somebody that is obese we generally are turning to these pleasure chemicals to cover some kind of pain or lack of love that we do not have.
• Fat people hate to exercise. - Again, this is true of most people to some degree but this is more prevalent with overweight people again due to it being more difficult and painful to move.
• Fat people chose to be left out of life activities. - Sadly, this is true on many occasions.  Be it either because we physically cannot keep up or we are embarrassed or afraid to embarrass those that we love.
• It doesn't hurt them when they hear you teasing them in public. - I would almost emphatically say that this was false.  Yes I know that people like to believe that fat people are all jolly or that we can "laugh" it off but it all hurts whether or not we will share that pain with the world.
• They aren't embarrassed when they fail. - Again, this is also false.  Failure is just as embarrassing to us as it is to a thin person if not more so.  We are expected to fail so when we do nobody offers us a pass, they just say, "I told you so" or "It figures".
• Being fat is a choice. - If being fat is a choice it is a foolish choice.  Sure, we can choose to fight harder to find better health but nobody with any sense actively chooses obesity as a lifestyle.
• Poor work ethic. - This is the same as being lazy.  This is not true overall but most are not given the chance to prove others wrong before being judged.
• Poor personal hygiene. - This is a personal one for me because there are a number of overweight people that are indeed practitioners of poor hygiene for one reason of another.  I can only speak for myself on this one.  I shower and wash my hair daily.  I use an abundance of deodorant, baby powder, and axe to ensure that I never smell if I can avoid it.  I brush my teeth daily and carry gum with me at all times.  I make sure I never wear dirty clothing ever and that I am presentable at all times.
• Bad to sit next to on the bus. - Sure perhaps there are some that are not a treat to sit next to but then again, perhaps you are no prize to sit next to yourself.
• Fat people need deodorant for their ankles. - This one is just preposterous!  If you are sniffing a fat person's ankles you have WAY worse issues than anything I can help with.
• Blood type is ragu. - This is just mean and childish.  Should you truly believe this then please seek help.
• Fat people smell funny. - Please see the bit on hygiene.
• Fat people eat constantly, never choosing healthy foods. - Again, not true overall.  There are several overweight people that simply over eat and there are those that choose poorly what they eat and there are still those that have a medical issue resulting in obesity.
• That is a face that only a mother could love. - Another shallow and hurtful statement made out of ignorance.
• I bet they don't even know what shoes they are wearing. - I will simply address this as childish again but I will offer a warning with this.  Say this one to the wrong fat person and they might gladly show you just what shoes they are wearing.
• What a shame of a wasted human. - Any person that says this about an overweight person should really reexamine their own life and its meaning.
• They won't be successful in life. - This can be answered simply by saying sure, not all overweight people succeed in life but there are several very successful overweight people in this world let alone those that have achieved an average level of success. 
• You are buddy material, not date material. - Then I say stay buddies and move on.  Perhaps whatever person is so shortsighted as this just missed the greatest opportunity they have ever had.

     I hope that I have dispelled some of the negative connotations that are associated with obesity.  In the end, there is no "blanket" statement that would cover all overweight people any more than you could find one for thin people.  I say for those that are stuck on the shallow, immature, or cruel side of these, please take a moment to realize how your words may affect the life of another person and think about filtering just what you say.  If you refuse then please, stay in your own little bubble and try not to spread your ignorance.  Turning a blind eye to how you affect the lives of people you judge only robs you of possibly meeting a person that could change your world.  

     I know that this week's post has been a bit unique but sometimes you have to shake things up to make it fresh.  As always, I thank you all for the support and the love.   Weigh-ins will now be the first of each month but I will still be writing each week and letting you know how I am doing on my journey.  I look forward to continuing to hear from you all and I welcome any feedback on my "new" plan.  As always, please, share this with all that will read it.  Let's change some lives!  God bless you all.  To be continued...