Part 27 - A Leopard Can't Change His Spots

     Hello and once again welcome to my blog, The Rendering.  Before you sits Part 27 - A Leopard Can't Change His Spots.  Let's jump right in shall we?  I am sure that you have all heard the phrase "A leopard can't change his spots."  It is an old phrase that comes from the bible and basically it is something that you say which means that a person's character, especially if it is bad, will not change, even if they pretend it has.  Pretty straight forward as you can see.

     For now I will leave that there and I will move on to bit about me.  Now, I fully understand that by now, Part 27, you all should, at the very least, have a basic understanding about who I am but I am not sure that I have ever fully shared my true nature.  I have always tried to be as open and honest with my posts as possible but just recently I have come to realize that I have not been being honest with myself.

     So, let me start with what is true and already out there.  My name is Michael Sean Manzer, true.  I am 38 years old, true.  I am 6'3.5", true.  When I started this journey that you all have followed me on I weighed an astounding 674 lbs., true.  For any of you that may not be able to visualize what that is like, get yourself a couple of your daring friends and see if they are willing to hang off of your neck, then try to walk around.  That was how I lived my life and that was how my life was being stolen from me day-by-day and minute-by-minute.  The last truth is that as of this post I weigh...

     Yes, I am down 2 lbs. since last week and 87 lbs. since the start.  Sure, I was down more a while ago but I did gain some back.  Such is life.  Now, I want to share with you some of my true nature, things that I find painful to admit but by the end you will understand why I am revealing this.  

     Here are some more truths, some obvious and some not so much.  Truth, I am lazy.  I always seek the easiest path to the greatest reward.  Truth, I am self-centered, arrogant, and conceited in some things.  Truth, I am quick to anger bordering on rage and quicker to accept depression and hopelessness.  Truth, I am foul mouthed and crude and I quite often find it easy to turn on those around me to take focus off of myself.  Truth, I like girls that are tattooed and pierced and slightly twisted.  Truth, I can be very childish.  I watch cartoons, and collect marbles, comic books, and toys, that yes I have been known to play with.  Truth, I am horrible with time management, cash management, and as evident by that fact that at the age of 38 I have moved back into my parents house, life management.  Truth, I am socially obnoxious and awkward.  I do not interact with people easily.  I can put forth an over-the-top persona when all I want to do is hide.  Truth, I have been known to use people for what they are worth and discard them.  Truth, I have battled addiction in one form or another all of my life.  Obviously, food is at the forefront but I have had my own addiction issues with alcohol and pills as well.  Truth, these are my leopard spots...

     ...or more accurately for me, my leopard slug spots.  These are some of my darker spots that have been with me all of my life.  I have to accept that this is my nature.  I have other truths both good and bad but these are the ones that I am confessing now.  The ones that matter to my story, my journey.  When I accept that this is my nature I must also accept that no matter how hard I struggle, persevere, and strive to, I, just as the leopard, cannot change my spots.

     At this point I can understand if you are all a bit confused.  Here are a few more truths to clear the air up a bit.  Truth, I do not seek your pity.  Truth, I am NOT giving up.  Truth, I WILL, BEYOND ALL DOUBT, BEAT THIS WEIGHT PROBLEM.  Truth, I CANNOT CHANGE MY SPOTS!  Lastly, TRUTH...I AM A CHILD OF A MIGHTY AND POWERFUL GOD!!

      There is no greater truth to me right now than "A leopard can't change his spots" but the part I have over looked for so long is this, God Almighty Himself made the leopard and every spot that the leopard wears.  God Himself also made me and all of my spots.  I can't change my spots but I am beyond convinced that if God can make this...

     ...the majestic platypus (oh yes he is back!), if He can create such a wonder, then He can change my spots.

     Again, I can't change my spots but God can and will.  It is said that you must be broken down to be built up.  You must hit rock bottom to realize the only way left is up.  I have been broken down and I am at the rock bottom and I am weak.  All of these things are truth.  So is this...

2 Corinthians 12:9-11 (NIV)

 ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

     Please, I ask, do not just read this and dismiss this.  It is in accepting this that my whole life is changing.  God has given me so many blessings to make me strong in my weakness.  He has provided me with wonderful and encouraging family and friends.  He has given me such a wonderful support system, from all of you that read this, to my Weight Watchers group, to even the fine people that I work with.  My spots have and still are changing and believers or not, you all have been placed in my life by God to help me.  I will never give up because I have a purpose and I have a responsibility to try to live my life to glorify God.  

     I have no words that will express my gratitude for the generosity shown to me and the love that I feel.  It brings tears to my eyes that, even I, someone that I thought was so lost, can be so blessed.  I will never tell someone how to believe but I will say that if you feel lost, alone, or in despair, angry or vile, if you think you are unable to change your spots, I know somebody that feels differently.  

     I will end this week's post at this point.  I know that I have not stayed specifically on "weight loss" but I have tried to show you what is on my heart and how it relates to my journey.  I can only say this, when I took my first step on this journey, when the doctor looked at me and said "You are going to die" and I said no I am not, I never expected my life to change as it is.  I knew that I was going to be getting healthier and losing weight but I would never have thought in a million years that God would remove weight from my soul as well.  

     You may have noticed that I have ended each post in similar fashion but I will be simple this week.  The leopard can't change his spots but the leopard never was holding the paintbrush.  If God can change me and make me strong when I am weak I welcome the challenges and I trust His promises.  I love you all and may God help you change the spots in your life that need changing.  God bless you.  To be continued...