Part 5 - When It Rains, It Pours

     When it rains, it pours.  A simple yet true statement that would very accurately describe my past week.  Well, before I get too far ahead of myself, let me start with the weekly numbers update first.  Even though I have had a week from hell, I was able to still lose some weight.  Not as much as the past couple of weeks but as I said before, ups and downs will happen but I must keep moving forward.  As of this week, I have weighed in at...

      Yes indeed, that does say 568 lbs.!  LOL....I am down a total of 2 lbs. for the week and an overall total of 106 lbs. for those with mathematical difficulties.  Again, not a large loss this week but still a loss and when I take in to account the total amount of weight lost it doesn't seem real.  I have lost a small person!  Though it may sound harsh, I won't be looking to find that person any time soon thank you.  I have also decided that I will only do a waist measurement update the first post of each month.  I went with this choice because it didn't seem worth posting a fraction of change each week.  

     OK! Now that we have covered this week's updates as far as numbers let me explain the statement, when it rains, it pours.  I have promised full disclosure in my postings so that means the good days with the bad, or weeks as it turns out.  Today marks the six month anniversary of my mother's passing.  I have had so much on my mind this week concerning this.  I can not honestly say why this has bothered me so much, as it is just a date, but it has.  The pain of losing her isn't any worse or better than it was a month or two ago.  I think it has been hard because I have the date of the six month anniversary stuck in my head along with the thought that her birthday is coming up this month as well.  So these thoughts have haunted me all week causing me to battle depression and anxiety worse than normal.  I have also, once again, been stricken with another vile leg infection caused by my obesity.  This has hit me exceptionally hard this time because, in my mind, I have been doing so well losing weight that I had foolishly thought I would be beyond these infections.  I allowed myself to accept what was ultimately an unrealistic idea.  While yes I have lost a lot of weight, I am still super morbidly obese and I will still have to fight the medical issues that come along with that title.  I do not say this to be hard on myself, but rather to keep myself grounded in reality.  The infection was a bad round this time and has kept me out of work all week.  There are people who have said to me to "suck it up and be a man" and I can understand where they are coming from, but they do not have to feel what these infections are like for me.  Missing work is another major area of stress for me this week for multiple reasons.  I need the money and I am scraping and scratching at the bottom of an empty barrel.  I am not able to afford the medical supplies or medicines that I need.  I am very thankful that my doctor is willing to call in the medicine that I need to fight these infections because I can't even afford the co-pays to keep going to see her for the same thing over and over again.  I also need this job because, as I have said before, I don't think anybody else will hire me in this state and the medical insurance is critical for me to have.  I thank God every day that I have an employer that has been so great in helping me through this.  I feel guilty for not being able to keep up my end of the deal with my employer.  I hate being this type of employee.  Believe it or not, I used to be "Mr. Overtime".  I used to work my butt off and was a really good employee.  Obesity has not only robbed me of my life but also of my dignity as a man.  I am working hard to get back to the place I was once at and I pray that I don't lose this job.  My medical issues are also putting a huge strain on my relationship with my father.  He has been one of my biggest supporters but I am not giving back to the household financially.  When I miss work, he and I argue.  The arguments aren't pretty either and I can not say I blame him for being upset.  When I am not able to afford the things I need I turn to him.  He has always helped me out but it isn't right that I am still not able to even support myself because of this damned body.  I am causing him undue stress on his already failing health and the guilt is making my stress and depression even worse.  I have a couple of other family issues that have really been weighing heavy on my heart and mind.  I won't discuss those because they involve others' actions who are not in direct interaction with me, but it is hard to see those you love hurt.  So, that was basically my week.  Stress, depression, anger, guilt, sadness and an overall feeling of helplessness.  I have opened up about all of this in my post this week for one reason.  I have learned a great lesson through all of this hardship.  When it rains, it pours indeed.  When this happens you have two choices.  Either you stand and bitch about the rain falling on your head or you look around you and realize how many friends you have that are holding out umbrellas for you.  I have once again been humbled this week by the support that you all have shown me.  My friend Veronica, who I have yet to meet face to face, encourages me daily with her positivity.  I thank you for that.  My friends Daryl, Jeromie and Sarah have also encouraged me and pushed me to be more active.  Mike and Amber, you are my crutches.  Dan, my brother, you always have got my back.  Aaron, my friend that lets me vent daily and helps keep me sane.  The family Mudge, in all it's forms, my home away from home.  Sue and the Weight Watchers gang, you are positivity personified.  My Facebook family are always there with kind words of encouragement.  There are so many when I look around that I am sure that I am unintentionally leaving many of you out.  I have not forgotten about my family either.  Whether we fight or not I could not succeed without you all and you have shown me unconditional love.  I list all of this because I learned that when it rains it does indeed pour but a drop need never hit my head.  That support encourages me to move on and keep succeeding and for those struggling themselves, I say take a look around and notice all of your own umbrellas.  If you still can't see any I say here...

Have a happy penguin umbrella!  If you need an umbrella during a storm I am here.  I hope that everybody that reads this takes some time to offer an umbrella to somebody in a downpour this week.  It makes a world of difference in a person's life.  

     As a side note, did anybody try out the recipe from last week?  If so please let me know what you thought, good or bad.  Also, let me know if you all would like to see more recipes in future posts.

     I have noticed a declining number in views over the past weeks so I ask you all, please share this with everybody.  We are starting a revolution...THE BATTLE OF OUR BULGE!!!  I don't know about all of you but I intend to win!  God bless you all.  To be continued...