Part 34 - Out of the Rubble....We Can Rebuild Him!!!

     Yeah it hurt!  What would you expect?  I stood upon a mountain, a mountain that I built with my own two hands.  Momentum is a great tool to have but it can also be the key to watching your empire crumble before you.  I was the Juggernaut bitch!

      Do you know what the problem with being a juggernaut full of momentum is?  You plow forward, up and up the mountain with your eyes only fixed on the top.  You don't pay attention to the destruction you leave in your wake.  You never give a thought to how your actions may be weakening the very foundation of the mountain you scratch and claw at to climb.  I went into this battle headstrong and full of vigor and I was successful.  Along with success came confidence and even a bit of arrogance, dare I say.

     Anybody that has ever ridden a bicycle can relate to this imagery.  As we all know, it took a little while to master riding a bike but once you could you had to see what you could do.  Most of us would eventually find ourselves in a place where we would be riding at a good speed.  One that we thought we could handle but perhaps, it was a bit ambitious for our skill set.  Well, what would happen?  That front wheel would catch a slight wobble.  Now, that wobble wouldn't be a travesty but it would give you a little scare but hey, you could handle this, you were a master bicyclist right?  So you correct or more accurately over-correct and that is where the real problems started.  

     I too was trying to continue my journey with methods and techniques that were beyond what I was ready for and it happened.  My wheel wobbled.  My pride would not allow me to reach out for help, as perhaps I should have.  I tried to correct with lies and excuses.  I could side step with the best of them but even the most powerful war machine can fall victim to a wobble in the wheel.

    In the end, no matter how much momentum or success you have the wobble will take you down and leave you looking at a smoking, fiery disaster.  Once you fall, if your foundation is weak, it too will come crashing down around you.  So I say again...yeah it hurt!

     I heard this quote from Winston Churchill this week while watching the Dr. Phil show.  Yeah, yeah, it was on and I liked it...lol.  This spoke to me as a lesson and an encouragement.  Success is not final.  I need to keep that in mind and use it to keep my head grounded.  Even though I have found and will find success before and again, I can't stop striving for more.  Don't aim for the mountain top aim far beyond.  Failure is not fatal.  Literally, for me, if I do fail at this it will be fatal but I have to see this as the encouragement it is.  If I fail, I am not going to instantly drop dead.  I can go again.  I must find the courage to keep trying.  That is what counts.

     Most of you that know me will know that I am a huge fan of comic books.  Go figure, a fat guy that lives with his parents likes comic books, not too stereotypical huh?  Anyway, of all of the superheros in comic book literature, Wolverine is now and has always been my favorite.  I relate with him in some way in my head.  Of all of his attributes I admire, the fact that no matter how badly he is hurt he keeps coming.  He has a "healing factor" that allows him to sustain horrendous injuries and yet still survive.  I like to think that I have to keep that mindset that no matter how many times I am hurt in my journey to better health either by the actions of others or poor choices of my own I WILL keep coming.  So there it is, the smoke is clearing and I'm still standing.  I am hurt, broken, bruised, and worse for wear but I am smarter now and more experienced.  I will heal and to steal a line from a great show from the seventies, "Gentleman, we can rebuild him!"

     This is where we start.  I know I have been away from the game for a few months so here is where I currently stand as far as my weight.  I know that I had all sorts of plans for walking 365 miles in as many days and doing a 5k by the end of the year but I have to wipe that slate clean.  This is a new beginning.  I am proud to also announce that since my last post I have found a new job and I will, I repeat WILL be returning to my Weight Watchers family and meetings.  They meant so much to me and in the end I let my pride push me away from them.  NO LONGER!!  With that being said I am going to close this post by saying this, if you are still with me thank you for supporting me in both my highs and my lows and if you no longer want to deal with my "shenanigans" so be it.  I can't blame anybody for losing faith in me but at the same time I can't focus on them either.  I can't let negativity anchor me anymore.  Peace, love, and blessings to all.  To be continued...