Part 30 - Look Into My Eyes, It's Where My Demons Hide!!

BOOM!!!

    That's right y'all!  That's how I do!!  Ok, ok, perhaps I got a little over-zealous there.  As you can see, I have posted this week's weight right at the very beginning.  Why you may ask??  Well let me tell you, BECAUSE I CAN!!  That and the fact that I wanted to get it out of the way so I can address this week's post without interruption.  I have dropped 4 lbs. more this week returning me to 62 lbs. total lost.  Inch by inch I am gaining on losing...does that even make sense?  It does to me so that is all that matters...lol.  Basically, for this week, that is all I have for numbers.  I know I want to get some more of my numbers coming up here soon and I will be sharing those as well.  I would like to offer a bit of CAUTION to any who read beyond this point.  I will be addressing demons in my life in this week's post and there are some pictures that some may find a bit uncomfortable to see but please, read beyond and it will all make sense.
     Moving on!  Over the past couple of weeks I have talked about my fears and asked you to examine some of your own.  I have talked about arising a warrior and how I was transforming myself into a Holy Phoenix Warrior!  Now that I have recognized my fears and I have a plan in place to attack with I want to focus on the enemy of mine.  In past posts I have referred to my enemy as my demons.  I know we all have things in our lives that are problem areas or triggers.  Things that we can all call our demons but what are demons really?  What do you think of when you think of a demon?  Why do I choose to use this term demon to represent the problems areas in my battles?  

-DEMON-

  Something that causes a person to have a lot of trouble or unhappiness.

 

     These are just two examples of what we equate with what a "demon" should look like.  They are scary, horrifying, evil and yes, sure they are fictitious but what if you actually saw this standing in front of you?  You have to admit, and I am sure that there is some "tough guy" out there that will argue this point, but if you were face to face with even one of these monsters I would wager that anybody would have some issues with their bladder.  Trust me, nothing can ruin a good thing quicker than a Bladder that has no clue what it is doing.  Now, with my battle with obesity I have quite often referred to my own demons but this is more how I picture them.

      Yes indeed, a big, fat, ugly, frog-like demon!  I will name him Erock!  Honestly, if you saw this beast standing in your path you would be afraid.  Recognizing the big bad demons makes facing them in battle relatively easy.  I am not saying that battling them will be easy but knowing who or what they are makes it easier.  Sadly, as I have found in my own journey, not all of my demons are so easy to recognize as fat old Erock.  Sometimes they are a bit subtler.

     Fine, yes, this is a wolf in sheep's clothing and perhaps he isn't quite as subtle as I was going for but you get the point.  Besides, HE IS ADORABLE!!  Demons, however, can be crafty little wolves in sheep's clothing.  Those demons can be the most dangerous.  

     Makes a lot of sense right?  I can only use my own journey as experience but I will try to illustrate it to you like this, if you saw Erock in front of you, licking his slovenly, misshapen lips would you rush right up to him?  I think not but...

     ...if these two cutie pies where in your path how could you ever resist just giving them a little shucka shucka on the head.  You know that big dumb Erock is going to do bad and unspeakable things to you so he is easy to avoid but some adorable kittens and puppies?  Of course not!  It is for this reason that the devil will use these doppelgangers of cuteness to lure you in then BAM!!

     They got you!!  Not so cute when they have evil on their little hearts right?  Well, a little but you get the meaning.  In my life the demons look a bit different.  To me they almost call my name.

      This is but one of the many delicious form of evil that attack me almost daily.  My point this week is to try to show you that we must be ever vigilant.  We must keep our eyes on the big bad nasty Erocks that jump out at us but we can't forget about the twinkies in kitten's clothing.  I know my fears, I have my armor, and now I have the knowledge of what my demons look like.  I feel that I am more prepared than ever to be victorious in this war and I hope that you too can recognize your own hidden demons.  Don't trust the fuzzy evil ones!  
     We must also keep in mind that while we fight our own battles we must not become judgmental or discouraging to others fighting their own demons. 

      One person's demons may just appear to be kittens and puppies to us but as I hope I have shown you above, they can still be demons.  I would like to hope that if we all try to encourage each other throughout these journeys we will all succeed.

     I would like to offer you all a short story that has inspired me this week.  I was able to spend time with some old friends on Friday night and wouldn't you just know it, one of my friends had an old videotape of us from the early 90's.  As we watched this tape one item in particular stood out to me like a sore thumb.  No it wasn't the horrendous hair cut, the fact that I wore an untucked t-shirt out in a public setting, or the fact that when I talked I even annoyed myself, which as an aside, I now understand why I didn't have many friends, but it was the fact that I was about 2/3 the man I am today.  I was still certainly overweight but I was much less so and I was enjoying life much more than I do today.  The inspirational part to me was this, I have been there before and I am sure I can find the way back home.  If you have ever been lost in the woods you can understand.  It was like that first moment that you see a landmark or tree that looks familiar.  Like a blazing arrow pointing you back to the path.  It was a relief.  Whatever demons stand in between me and my final destination I no longer care, because I know that the path is there.  We each must find our own path that will lead us home but here is what mine looks like.

     Now I know this is a horrendous picture of me and I should be upset that my "friends" allowed me to go out in public looking like this but I can only see the positive here.  I may not have been good looking or cute but I was much skinnier than I am now!  It gives me hope.  Just in case any of you might think of mocking me for saying that I am not cute, I will have you all know that at one time I was DAMN CUTE!

     Yeah, yeah, I know, what the hell happened?  Time is a cruel mistress sometimes but I say again I WAS CUTE!  LOL 
     With that point proven I will close with this thought and perhaps you too can find a way to make this work in your own journey.  There is a band called Imagine Dragons and they sing a song called Demons.  Now I don't particularly like the song or its overall meaning but I do like one specific part.

    "Look into my eyes it's where my demons hide", such a great lyric but it means something different to me.  I am making it yet another new mantra for me along my journey.  If you look into my eyes you can see my demons hide because they are now clearly in my sights.  All you will see is their reflection in my eyes and all I will see is what they truly are, powerless liars that will try to prey upon me along my path but I will no longer allow them to.  The next lines in that song are "don't get too close, it's dark inside".  I say directly to the demons and to anybody looking, come as close as you want and see the light inside my soul.  The light of my God that allows me to triumph over my demons!  
     As always, thank you all for the support and for the love you have all shown me.  I walk this path by myself but never alone and that means the world to me.  If ever you find yourself in need of a friend on your own paths, I will be here as you have all supported me.  Share this with anyone that you think needs help lighting their path and identifying all of their demons.  One by one we all can and will succeed.  May God bless you all and keep you safe.  To be continued...