Part 32 - Let's Take A Ride On The Waaaaaayback Machine!!!

     Hello and as always welcome to The Rendering!!!  This week I offer you all Part 32 - Let's Take A Ride On The Waaaaaayback Machine!!!  This will be the first post of the "new plan" era, the first post with no weigh-in numbers so I offer you this for my weight report...

 

     Yep, you all, just like me, will have to wait for it until next week.  Now don't expect too much from the first weigh-in as it isn't for a whole month but I am working at it.  

      I have had a rather rough week this week and I can honestly say that I am glad it is over.  As rough as this week was however, I was able to take some knowledge and inspiration from it.  One of the biggest issues that I have had to deal with this week has been a nasty leg infection.  If you have been following my blog you will undoubtedly know that I have battled this issue of soft tissue infection for well over a decade.  Sadly, it is just another consequence of obesity.  This time it was in my calf.  It is quite common for an obese person to develop what are known as venous leg ulcers which allow bacteria in.  This was exactly my case.  So I have been battling that fun little bugger with antibiotics but it hasn't made life any easier.  I missed work, which not only makes people there upset but I also lose that money which isn't a good thing now either.  Due to my leg, I have had some downtime and I saw a show where another obese man was discussing the things that he has missed out on due to him being too large.  Between losing the work time and seeing this show I got to thinking, how many things, opportunities, and experiences have I allowed my uncontrollable addiction to steal from me?  I have always known that being fat would cost me but I have never looked at the little things most people take for granted.  Now, I am not seeking your pity but I am just trying to show you how even I have not taken notice of ALL that obesity steals from people.  

      For example, this is the entrance to Dragon Mountain.  Dragon Mountain is a roller coaster at Marineland Canada.  I have such fond memories of that when I was young.  Not only that ride in particular but so many others, log rides, bumper cars, tilt-a-whirl, all of these stolen from me!  I love carnival rides but nope, not for a fat guy.  It pisses me off that I have allowed myself to be stolen from.  

     I have lost so many other things as well.  I can't remember a time when I could walk into any clothing store and buy something off the shelf.  Even in the big and tall store I am very limited.  I used to love riding a bicycle but "fat" chance of that now.  I had to have a $2000 dollar suit specially tailored for me just so I could do the honor of being in my friends' weddings.  In the show I watched, the guy had always wanted to ride a horse.  I have no desire to ride a horse but I couldn't even if I wanted to.  Could you imagine the look on a horses face if it saw me coming?

 Awe Hell No!

     I could go on I am sure but you get the point.  These robberies were in my past and if I had a wayback machine I might be able to change this but I can't so I say let the past be the past but the future is mine!

     This week also brought a few interpersonal battles as well.  Yes, these stressed me out and I am sure that I have some responsibility to accept in these but one comment in particular really struck me.  It wasn't because it was an overly hurtful statement but more so because it was partially true.  The truth hurts indeed.  I was told that I was acting very much like a politician.  Now, to some that may seem like an odd or even complimentary statement but from this individual it was not.  I was then told that I was making statements with my words that I was not backing up with my actions.  As I pondered this statement I realized that there were several times that I was doing just that.  I was being a politician.

     To thine own self be true indeed.  Old Bill Shakespeare said it best.  I can BS everybody and I can say what I want and words can come out of my mouth, believe me I have done all of that stuff, but I have to know to myself that my motives for something are clean and good and honest.  Just like I cannot fool God by hiding my sins, no matter how hard I try I cannot lie to myself.  I am actually glad that this person called me out.  What is that old saying?  You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.  It is those people that see through my deceptions that I need to keep me honest.  That is why they are in our lives I believe.  I am not saying that I am being deceitful intentionally but part of this addiction finds ways to convince me I am doing right when I am not.  That is why I have changed my plan, to keep it fresh and new.  Someone once told me that the healthier I get, the smarter and craftier my addiction gets.  That is why I need vigilance, accountability, and faith in my life.  We all need these things to succeed.

      Last week I said faith without action is dead and this week I was reminded that this is true, faith can move mountains but don't be surprised when God hands you a shovel.  I cannot allow myself to forget ever that every morning I wake up, there is no wayback machine that will let me change my past but my future is in my hands.  Hands that my God has given to me to DO WORK!  The work will be hard and tiresome but the prize is so worth it.  

     Sure, I could sit back and say that I have lost so much throughout my life that it isn't fair for me to have to do so much just to break even.  I could whine and complain that this addiction and obesity has stolen so much from me and now it wants more which isn't fair to me.  I am sure we all have situations that we are in that we do not feel are fair to us.  

LIFE'S NOT FAIR!!! 

     If life was fair, I would be dead!  Over the course of our existence we all brush death on a daily basis and never are the wiser for it.  We go on whining and complaining when we should be thankful for all of the blessings that we do have.

      Can I get an amen?!?!  I say if you are a believer or not, take a moment to be thankful for what you do have and not so focused on what you have lost. 

     I will close this week's post with this.  We all hide our true selves and only reveal them under the guise of anonymity.  It is so much easier to be ourselves when we cannot be held accountable by those around us.  I am attempting through this blog and through my Weight Watchers meetings to rip off the mask that keeps the true me comfortable.  I want the world to see my true face no matter how much it may hurt.  By totally exposing myself I hope to be one step ahead of my addiction.  I will do my best to never step into the wayback machine in my mind and hear the voices that made me hurt so much back then.  I will only look forward and be thankful for the blessings to come.  If I speak the words I will take it upon myself to do everything in my power to honor them.  My word is my bond and the words of the past will no longer be my bonds!

     As always, thank you all for the support and please share this with all that will read it.  I look forward with great anticipation to the future and all that it holds.  God bless you all.  To be continued... 

Part 31 - Truth Or Consequences...Breaking Down My Walls

     Deja vu??  A late season rerun perhaps??  Maybe you think that I have just re-posted last week's blog to save me time or work?  The answer my friends to all of the above is...NO!

Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

-Albert Einstein-

     That my good friends, is exactly what I have been doing lately.  I have been following my plan and writing this blog and trying to find different ways to share my journey with you all and then being disappointed with the minimal results.  According to Mr. Einstein, I am a bit insane.  Heck, who am I to argue with Big Al?  The truth is, contrary to the belief of some, I am actually not insane but as I look at it, I am just not applying myself as efficiently as I could be.  That changes here and now!

     Ladies and gentleman, children of all ages, and the millions and....MILLIONS...in attendance at their computers, Fat Guy Productions proudly brings to you the writings of a large man out to change the world!!  I give you Part 31 of The Rendering...Truth Or Consequences...Breaking Down My Walls!!!  Enough of this palaver, let's get the show on the road! 

     Over the past weeks I have given you the layout for my "new" plan.  I have laid it out there about my fears and facing them.  I have shown you that we all must armor ourselves heading into battle.  I have pointed out how to recognize not only the obvious demons but also the wolves in sheep's clothing.  Finally and most importantly I have shared with you all that I cannot do this alone.  That I must have complete faith in God that he will give me this victory!  Now it is time to ramp this up and hit the post!  I have the tools but no matter how many tools and how much faith I have, faith without action is dead.  No plan will ever come to fruition unless you attack!  So it begins anew!  
     I am going to be changing this up a bit but please let me explain.  For those that don't know too much about me, back in the early 2000's I was able to lose 234 lbs.  I did this by a very reduced caloric intake along with the help of a weight loss specialist and a dietary therapist.  Lastly, to help me lose that much weight I was also using a prescription appetite suppressant medicine called Phentermine.  The good news, I lost 234 lbs.  The bad news, Phentermine is dangerous!  Not only did it make me extremely aggressive but also it did some long-term damage to my heart muscles.  Sadly, after I stopped using this drug I put all the weight plus some back on.  I have battled weight loss ever since.  So why do I bring this up?  I do so because while my current course of action is showing some positive results, the results can and will be better!  I am going to tweak my routine a bit and incorporate some of the original routine with some of what I do now and then hammer it all until it fits with my "new" game plan.  
     My first big problem comes from an old enemy that I wrote about many, many months ago.

      Do you all remember this guy?  If you are new to this blog you may not, but for those that have been with me for a while now, you know this little devil to be the INFAMOUS FATYPUS!!
     May I take this moment to suggest that you read my post from August 17, 2013 to familiarize yourself with him?  So why has the Fatypus become more of a problem for me?  Well, as luck would have it, and as I have stated many times before, I am a stress eater among many other things.  I have come to realize that even though I do not step on the scale more than once a week I was TOTALLY stressing myself out over the numbers.  I was getting down right depressed that I was showing little to no progress when I knew I was working at it.  Pretty much every time I would show a gain in weight I knew EXACTLY why that was and I have to own that.  So here is where the blending of routines begins.  I still have every intention of attending my Weight Watchers meetings for as long as I can afford to.  I cannot guarantee how long I will be able to afford the monthly cost of Weight Watchers due to upcoming job instability issues but I will continue as long as I can.  I have faith that God will provide if that is His path for me.  While I will attend my weekly Weight Watchers meetings I only intend to weigh in once a month.  Now I am not sure how the people at Weight Watchers will feel about this decision or what exactly their rules and regulations are for weigh-ins but I will cross that bridge when I come to it.  I am choosing to switch to one weigh-in per month for this reason.  I find that when given a longer time frame to work in with out constantly fussing over a number I get better results.  If I lose 2 lbs. per week let's say, I do not feel as good about it as if I lose 8 lbs. for the month.  I know, it is just a little mental trick but I find it more encouraging and I know already that it is a proven method that works for me.  You may find some that say you need the weekly weigh-ins to keep you on track but let's all be honest here, you know how you have behaved each week.  As long as we stay committed to the program and accountable to each other we will still see success.  
     Staying accountable to one another is a very important part of my current routine that I will combine in the new routine.  I love the support that I get from my Weight Watchers meetings and my weight-loss buddies that have been supporting me along my journey.  I do find that when I do not attend a meeting, for whatever reason, I have trouble staying on track for the week.  It is for this reason, that I feel the Weight Watchers meetings themselves are a key component for my success in my "new" plan.  
     OK...We have monthly weigh-ins and weekly meetings.  A bit of the old and the new, so what's next?  I am changing my food intake a bit too.  I love the system of points that I use with Weight Watchers even though I have been a bit lax with my tracking to say the least.  I need to be stricter and not try to play the system.  Weight Watchers is a program that works not a game.  I need to be reminded that no matter how slick I think I am being, I can't play the program.  With that said, I have found that I need to be a bit more rigid with the foods that I do eat.  I like that fact that there is no "off limits" food with Weight Watchers but you have to know that some foods are far higher in points than others and not as good for you.  For me, I need to set some "off limits" foods.  That openness may work for some but sadly, my addiction to food makes it hard for me to work within the boundaries of some foods.  Therefore, if I "ban" certain foods as I did way back when I lost so much weight and I replace them with far better substitutes I will be able to eat more good foods and not run the risk of flying way off track.  I took the first steps guided by the Weight Watchers program and as long as I can afford membership and the tracking tools, I will now step it up a level and track better food choices still within my points.
     Now comes the hardest change of all.  I must commit to get some wiggle in my jiggle!  I don't mean once a week or once in a while.  This has been the hardest part for me to be committed and honest about.  I have the resources now, heavy bag, and resistance bands, exercise bike, DVD's, free weights, and even a treadmill.  The weather is getting warmer now too so I have no reason not to be out walking or being more active.  There was a term used this week at Weight Watchers that I truly loved, exercuses!  It seems like I can always find an excuse to avoid the exercise.  Sometimes you just have to suck it up and get it done.  I have told you all that I am going to have walked a total of 365 miles in 365 days and let me tell you...I ONLY HAVE 9 MILES WALKED!!  Even though that is easily 9 miles more than I had last year it is still shameful.  I have made a promise to do this and I keep hearing my mother's voice ringing in my head that a man is only as good as his word.  I MUST do this!
     As far as the specialists and therapists go, I have been having regular contact with my primary doctor throughout this journey and all of the support I have gotten from my family and friends along the way is far better therapy than I was getting the last time.
     So now for the elephant in the room...

    This is Phentermine.  This was the little bugger that managed to suppress the hunger inside.  I will say that it did indeed work but at what price.  I am not seeking a Pyrrhic victory here I am seeking, and I will find, TRUE VICTORY!  
     The shiny bow that I will wrap this whole "new" plan package up with is simple, for me there is but one place to find true victory...

      My victory is in Jesus and my faith in God to lead me to victory in my journey is the most important part of my "new" plan.  Allow me to say this again though, FAITH WITHOUT ACTION IS DEAD!  I can also hear my mother's words when she would say that God helps those who help themselves.  I am taking action and trusting in God and I will win!
     I know this week has been a bit different but when I found that I felt like I was just treading water I knew it was time to change up the game.  Now, let's break down some walls, let's speak some truths and bust some myths.
     Earlier this week I asked for people to give me some honest answers regarding any and all negative stereotypes about fat people that they have either thought themselves or had heard of.  I wanted to include this in this week's post because I have had to listen to some truly ignorant people spewing some truly vile things about over-weight people this week.  When I started writing this blog I did so with the intent of not only helping or inspiring people with weight issues but to try to educate others that may be the type of people that make life very hard for us that battle weight issues.  Now I won't make excuses for some of the stereotypes that I have seen in the responses but I will be open and honest and perhaps some people will think before the speak.  Here is a list of several of the stereo types out there all given to me from several sources and also heard many times myself.  I will address each stereotype with truth not excuse in RED ITALLICS: 

STEREOTYPES

• I would date you if you lost 100 lbs. because you have a pretty face. - Not everybody will be attracted to each other but overweight people feel the need for love and companionship just as much as thin people.  I am personally of the opinion that if you make a comment like this you are far to shallow too be bothered with anyway so move along and find somebody equally as shallow as you are. 
• How could you have let yourself go to such a degree? - Before you make a comment like this you may need to look at the whole picture.  This is the old; don't judge a book by its cover issue.  Yes, sometimes we gain weight because we just let ourselves go but there is usually a much deeper reason for it.  Take some time and get to know a person before you judge them.
• Why can't you just control your eating, don't you have any will power? - This is one of my favorites.  The truth is that food addiction is just that, an addiction.  Sometimes will power is not enough to stop the hunger that grows inside and sometimes will power doesn't stop the pain or fill the hole that the food will.
• Being passed over for promotion based on size. - While this is a sad truth, it does happen.  Sometimes it is warranted because as a fat person I can honestly say my work performance has been affected by my weight.  I can't even get hired if the field I went to school for due to the fact that I physically cannot do the job.  Other times however, the stigma of being obese can cost you a promotion or job without ever being given a chance to prove yourself.
• Fat people are ugly. - Well, indeed there is some truth to this but not based on the fact that they are fat alone.  We all find different things about different people attractive and we will not all agree on that but to say that ALL fat people are ugly is a bit short-sighted and again, shallow.
• Fat people are lazy. - This particular statement, again, is not true overall.  Yes, there are some fat people that are lazy.  I have said it myself that I have a large lazy streak in me that I hate but the truth is, at least in my case, I am not just lazy to be lazy.  It takes a great deal more effort for me to move this much mass around and whether or not most people realize this, it hurts almost constantly to move.  So yes, laziness is an attribute of obesity but I can show you several hard working fat people that would disagree with this statement.
• Fat people don't care about their appearance. - For the most part this is completely false.  Most of us care very much so about how we appear but we are also very limited on clothing choices.  Most obese people do the best they can to appear respectable.
• Fat people don't care about their health or families. - Again, this is so untrue.  Sure there are some that would fit this mold but for the most part people that battle weight issues care more about their health even though they may be unsuccessful at improving it.  Nobody likes to live in poor health but that is part of the disease of obesity.  As far as their families are concerned, we care very deeply for our families especially because that is sometimes the only source of safety and love we know.
• Fat people like to over-eat. - There is a term called ingestion analgesia, which refers to our brains releasing reward chemicals when we eat.  So yes this is true to some degree but in the case of somebody that is obese we generally are turning to these pleasure chemicals to cover some kind of pain or lack of love that we do not have.
• Fat people hate to exercise. - Again, this is true of most people to some degree but this is more prevalent with overweight people again due to it being more difficult and painful to move.
• Fat people chose to be left out of life activities. - Sadly, this is true on many occasions.  Be it either because we physically cannot keep up or we are embarrassed or afraid to embarrass those that we love.
• It doesn't hurt them when they hear you teasing them in public. - I would almost emphatically say that this was false.  Yes I know that people like to believe that fat people are all jolly or that we can "laugh" it off but it all hurts whether or not we will share that pain with the world.
• They aren't embarrassed when they fail. - Again, this is also false.  Failure is just as embarrassing to us as it is to a thin person if not more so.  We are expected to fail so when we do nobody offers us a pass, they just say, "I told you so" or "It figures".
• Being fat is a choice. - If being fat is a choice it is a foolish choice.  Sure, we can choose to fight harder to find better health but nobody with any sense actively chooses obesity as a lifestyle.
• Poor work ethic. - This is the same as being lazy.  This is not true overall but most are not given the chance to prove others wrong before being judged.
• Poor personal hygiene. - This is a personal one for me because there are a number of overweight people that are indeed practitioners of poor hygiene for one reason of another.  I can only speak for myself on this one.  I shower and wash my hair daily.  I use an abundance of deodorant, baby powder, and axe to ensure that I never smell if I can avoid it.  I brush my teeth daily and carry gum with me at all times.  I make sure I never wear dirty clothing ever and that I am presentable at all times.
• Bad to sit next to on the bus. - Sure perhaps there are some that are not a treat to sit next to but then again, perhaps you are no prize to sit next to yourself.
• Fat people need deodorant for their ankles. - This one is just preposterous!  If you are sniffing a fat person's ankles you have WAY worse issues than anything I can help with.
• Blood type is ragu. - This is just mean and childish.  Should you truly believe this then please seek help.
• Fat people smell funny. - Please see the bit on hygiene.
• Fat people eat constantly, never choosing healthy foods. - Again, not true overall.  There are several overweight people that simply over eat and there are those that choose poorly what they eat and there are still those that have a medical issue resulting in obesity.
• That is a face that only a mother could love. - Another shallow and hurtful statement made out of ignorance.
• I bet they don't even know what shoes they are wearing. - I will simply address this as childish again but I will offer a warning with this.  Say this one to the wrong fat person and they might gladly show you just what shoes they are wearing.
• What a shame of a wasted human. - Any person that says this about an overweight person should really reexamine their own life and its meaning.
• They won't be successful in life. - This can be answered simply by saying sure, not all overweight people succeed in life but there are several very successful overweight people in this world let alone those that have achieved an average level of success. 
• You are buddy material, not date material. - Then I say stay buddies and move on.  Perhaps whatever person is so shortsighted as this just missed the greatest opportunity they have ever had.

     I hope that I have dispelled some of the negative connotations that are associated with obesity.  In the end, there is no "blanket" statement that would cover all overweight people any more than you could find one for thin people.  I say for those that are stuck on the shallow, immature, or cruel side of these, please take a moment to realize how your words may affect the life of another person and think about filtering just what you say.  If you refuse then please, stay in your own little bubble and try not to spread your ignorance.  Turning a blind eye to how you affect the lives of people you judge only robs you of possibly meeting a person that could change your world.  

     I know that this week's post has been a bit unique but sometimes you have to shake things up to make it fresh.  As always, I thank you all for the support and the love.   Weigh-ins will now be the first of each month but I will still be writing each week and letting you know how I am doing on my journey.  I look forward to continuing to hear from you all and I welcome any feedback on my "new" plan.  As always, please, share this with all that will read it.  Let's change some lives!  God bless you all.  To be continued...         

Part 30 - Look Into My Eyes, It's Where My Demons Hide!!

BOOM!!!

    That's right y'all!  That's how I do!!  Ok, ok, perhaps I got a little over-zealous there.  As you can see, I have posted this week's weight right at the very beginning.  Why you may ask??  Well let me tell you, BECAUSE I CAN!!  That and the fact that I wanted to get it out of the way so I can address this week's post without interruption.  I have dropped 4 lbs. more this week returning me to 62 lbs. total lost.  Inch by inch I am gaining on losing...does that even make sense?  It does to me so that is all that matters...lol.  Basically, for this week, that is all I have for numbers.  I know I want to get some more of my numbers coming up here soon and I will be sharing those as well.  I would like to offer a bit of CAUTION to any who read beyond this point.  I will be addressing demons in my life in this week's post and there are some pictures that some may find a bit uncomfortable to see but please, read beyond and it will all make sense.
     Moving on!  Over the past couple of weeks I have talked about my fears and asked you to examine some of your own.  I have talked about arising a warrior and how I was transforming myself into a Holy Phoenix Warrior!  Now that I have recognized my fears and I have a plan in place to attack with I want to focus on the enemy of mine.  In past posts I have referred to my enemy as my demons.  I know we all have things in our lives that are problem areas or triggers.  Things that we can all call our demons but what are demons really?  What do you think of when you think of a demon?  Why do I choose to use this term demon to represent the problems areas in my battles?  

-DEMON-

  Something that causes a person to have a lot of trouble or unhappiness.

 

     These are just two examples of what we equate with what a "demon" should look like.  They are scary, horrifying, evil and yes, sure they are fictitious but what if you actually saw this standing in front of you?  You have to admit, and I am sure that there is some "tough guy" out there that will argue this point, but if you were face to face with even one of these monsters I would wager that anybody would have some issues with their bladder.  Trust me, nothing can ruin a good thing quicker than a Bladder that has no clue what it is doing.  Now, with my battle with obesity I have quite often referred to my own demons but this is more how I picture them.

      Yes indeed, a big, fat, ugly, frog-like demon!  I will name him Erock!  Honestly, if you saw this beast standing in your path you would be afraid.  Recognizing the big bad demons makes facing them in battle relatively easy.  I am not saying that battling them will be easy but knowing who or what they are makes it easier.  Sadly, as I have found in my own journey, not all of my demons are so easy to recognize as fat old Erock.  Sometimes they are a bit subtler.

     Fine, yes, this is a wolf in sheep's clothing and perhaps he isn't quite as subtle as I was going for but you get the point.  Besides, HE IS ADORABLE!!  Demons, however, can be crafty little wolves in sheep's clothing.  Those demons can be the most dangerous.  

     Makes a lot of sense right?  I can only use my own journey as experience but I will try to illustrate it to you like this, if you saw Erock in front of you, licking his slovenly, misshapen lips would you rush right up to him?  I think not but...

     ...if these two cutie pies where in your path how could you ever resist just giving them a little shucka shucka on the head.  You know that big dumb Erock is going to do bad and unspeakable things to you so he is easy to avoid but some adorable kittens and puppies?  Of course not!  It is for this reason that the devil will use these doppelgangers of cuteness to lure you in then BAM!!

     They got you!!  Not so cute when they have evil on their little hearts right?  Well, a little but you get the meaning.  In my life the demons look a bit different.  To me they almost call my name.

      This is but one of the many delicious form of evil that attack me almost daily.  My point this week is to try to show you that we must be ever vigilant.  We must keep our eyes on the big bad nasty Erocks that jump out at us but we can't forget about the twinkies in kitten's clothing.  I know my fears, I have my armor, and now I have the knowledge of what my demons look like.  I feel that I am more prepared than ever to be victorious in this war and I hope that you too can recognize your own hidden demons.  Don't trust the fuzzy evil ones!  
     We must also keep in mind that while we fight our own battles we must not become judgmental or discouraging to others fighting their own demons. 

      One person's demons may just appear to be kittens and puppies to us but as I hope I have shown you above, they can still be demons.  I would like to hope that if we all try to encourage each other throughout these journeys we will all succeed.

     I would like to offer you all a short story that has inspired me this week.  I was able to spend time with some old friends on Friday night and wouldn't you just know it, one of my friends had an old videotape of us from the early 90's.  As we watched this tape one item in particular stood out to me like a sore thumb.  No it wasn't the horrendous hair cut, the fact that I wore an untucked t-shirt out in a public setting, or the fact that when I talked I even annoyed myself, which as an aside, I now understand why I didn't have many friends, but it was the fact that I was about 2/3 the man I am today.  I was still certainly overweight but I was much less so and I was enjoying life much more than I do today.  The inspirational part to me was this, I have been there before and I am sure I can find the way back home.  If you have ever been lost in the woods you can understand.  It was like that first moment that you see a landmark or tree that looks familiar.  Like a blazing arrow pointing you back to the path.  It was a relief.  Whatever demons stand in between me and my final destination I no longer care, because I know that the path is there.  We each must find our own path that will lead us home but here is what mine looks like.

     Now I know this is a horrendous picture of me and I should be upset that my "friends" allowed me to go out in public looking like this but I can only see the positive here.  I may not have been good looking or cute but I was much skinnier than I am now!  It gives me hope.  Just in case any of you might think of mocking me for saying that I am not cute, I will have you all know that at one time I was DAMN CUTE!

     Yeah, yeah, I know, what the hell happened?  Time is a cruel mistress sometimes but I say again I WAS CUTE!  LOL 
     With that point proven I will close with this thought and perhaps you too can find a way to make this work in your own journey.  There is a band called Imagine Dragons and they sing a song called Demons.  Now I don't particularly like the song or its overall meaning but I do like one specific part.

    "Look into my eyes it's where my demons hide", such a great lyric but it means something different to me.  I am making it yet another new mantra for me along my journey.  If you look into my eyes you can see my demons hide because they are now clearly in my sights.  All you will see is their reflection in my eyes and all I will see is what they truly are, powerless liars that will try to prey upon me along my path but I will no longer allow them to.  The next lines in that song are "don't get too close, it's dark inside".  I say directly to the demons and to anybody looking, come as close as you want and see the light inside my soul.  The light of my God that allows me to triumph over my demons!  
     As always, thank you all for the support and for the love you have all shown me.  I walk this path by myself but never alone and that means the world to me.  If ever you find yourself in need of a friend on your own paths, I will be here as you have all supported me.  Share this with anyone that you think needs help lighting their path and identifying all of their demons.  One by one we all can and will succeed.  May God bless you all and keep you safe.  To be continued...
 

Part 29 - Arise A Warrior!!!

     Welcome all to Part 20 - Arise A Warrior!!!  For those who have been with me since the beginning or have joined the journey along the way, you know what my goal is.  To those who might just be joining my journey now it is simple, the goal is to render away the life-stealing weight that I have amassed over the years and to reclaim a healthy and free life.  The life that I was given by the love of my parents and God and the life I deserve!  You have witnessed my successes and my setbacks.  You have seen me start to evolve as a person both physically and spiritually.  Even though the numbers of readers to my blog has dropped, I write this blog not only to share with those that want to read about my journey but I do so as a type of therapy for myself.  I have had to remind myself of that and I have had to once again take the advice of an old friend and revisit my old posts to regain my bearings.  So for this week lets get the numbers out of the way right up front.

 

     There you have it in plain sight.  This week's weigh-in is indeed 616 lbs.  I have lost 2 lbs. bringing me back to a total amount lost to of 58 lbs.  I know that I have fallen back quite a bit but I am clawing my way back and I have no intention of stopping!

     With that said, I say onward and upward!  If I asked you to take a moment and think about what the word "warrior" made you think of what would you say?  What images would come into your mind?

-Warrior-

A person engaged or experienced in warfare.

    History has given us several examples of true warriors.  From medieval knights to the fierce Apache each warrior offers many attributes that we can still apply to our own lives today.  When I think about what a warrior is, the picture that come to my mind is that of the Samurai.

       There is one particular philosophy of the Samurai that I am starting to adopt and apply within my own life.  It is the philosophy of Kaizen.

-Kaizen-

Kaizen is a Japanese philosophy that describes the mindset of always striving to make gradual and steady progress.

     A Samurai warrior is always striving to improve physically, mentally, and spiritually.  I have been on this journey for a while now and I have had many ups and downs.  The part that has started to truly get to me is the numbers.  I have wanted to show you all great losses in weight and I wanted to see a great number of readers to this blog.  As the time passed I was seeing the numbers on the scale drop only a few pounds per week with some weeks showing a gain.  Likewise, I saw the hits to this blog decrease week by week.  I wanted to be able to average between 5-10 lbs. of loss each week.  In the beginning I found that I was having some impressive amounts of weight lost and I had hoped to keep that momentum rolling.  I allowed myself to become deluded.  My goals that I was setting were no longer realistic.  I know this battle well and I know what to expect but I had allowed myself to fall prey to my own impatience.  As far as the numbers of people that read this blog are concerned, I have said from the beginning that even if I can inspire just one person then writing this blog would be well worth it all.  I have allowed my pride to dictate my success in this matter however.  I enjoyed the fact that a lot of people were reading and I found that it did indeed bother me a bit when I saw the numbers slowly dwindling.  The fact that these two issues are negatively affecting me is something that I realize I and I alone must own.  I am allowing myself to believe that I am doing poorly with my weight loss.  I must remind myself that when writing this blog that I am doing so from my heart and my desire to share with others and inspire them.  I must remember that my ego has nothing to do with what I am trying to accomplish here.  I must remind myself each and everyday that this is why I am trying to adopt and apply the philosophy of Kaizen.

“To shine through the darkest nights is where the warrior forges his might, while others simply kneel before difficulty and flee the fight.”   

     So the question I have to answer is this, how do I incorporate new techniques and mindsets so that I can move forward with success?  I find that answer by combining this new philosophy of Kaizen with a dash of mythological influence.  Confused yet?  Wait for it...

       ...BOOM!!  Yes that was just a bit of silliness to make me laugh but the image above is indeed a representation of part of my new plan.  For those that may not recognize this bird it is a phoenix.  If you do not know what a phoenix is I will give you a short explanation.  The phoenix is a long-lived mythological bird that is cyclically regenerated or reborn.  In one telling of the myth, as a phoenix approaches the end of its life it grows weak and decrepit.  The phoenix then bursts into flames and is reduced to a pile of ash.  From this pile of ash the phoenix is born anew.  So now that I have explained that lets look at what I have so far, the philosophy of Kaizen and the mythology of the phoenix, not a bad start for a new plan.

     Now if you have been following along with my blog, by now you know that I have not only been working on making myself healthier physically and mentally but spiritually as well.  I have always believed in God and I have been a born again Christian since 1992.  I have had my own issues with organized religion over the years and I had been growing farther from God.  One of the unexpected perks of starting this journey I am on was that God provided me with the tools and the call to seek the Lord anew.  He provided me with a wonderful church family in addition to my existing family and friends that have shown me immeasurable support and have accepted me faults and all.  Most importantly to me, He has shown me that I can do anything through Him.  This, I have come to realize is the third and final ingredient that I needed for my new plan!

 

     So now I am taking the ideals of Kaizen, always striving to improve, and mixing that with the characteristics of the phoenix, realizing I must incinerate the "old me" so that I can arise from the ashes of my old ways as a new and powerful being.  Once mixed I am shrouding it all with the knowledge that I can do all things in Him who strengthens me!  Gone will be my ego and disappointment and in its place will ARISE A WARRIOR!!!

 

A HOLY PHOENIX WARRIOR!!

     There are those that will doubt me and throw their barbs trying to make me fall but I have said it before and I will say it again now...

"I won't ask you to join me, but I warn you not to stand in my way!"

-Me-

     

      Now, if you take a look at the warriors in history you will find a few areas that they have in common.  One aspect that warriors throughout history shared and found quite necessary was armor.

     Be it the Apache Warrior...

The Medieval Knight...

Or the mighty Samurai...

 ...They all used one form or another of a specialized armor.  This armor was personalized for the warrior that wore it.  There has never been a line of Ted Sheckler's Armor Emporiums that a warrior could simple shop at.  Some were used more for protection while others were used more to intimidate their enemies.  So you may be asking why would I bring this up now?  How does this tie in to my new plan?  Allow me to share with you just how.  There is another warrior that depends on armor, a warrior that I have chosen to become.

     The warrior that I have become wears the armor of God.  It is with this armor that I will be able to withstand the barbs thrown at me by those that would love to see me fail.  It is with this final piece to my new plan that I will not just seek my success but I will TAKE IT!  I hope that no matter what journey you are on or what enemies you face, you too find a plan that works for you.  I hope that you find a way to arise a warrior in your own right.

     I am headed off to continue putting my new plan into motion, as always I thank you for reading.  I wish I could personally say thank you to each of you that reads and supports me in this and who knows, perhaps one day I will be able to.  Please share this on your pages and keep the word moving, we may yet raise up more warriors in this world!  God bless you all. To be continued...