Part 3 - Life Is What You Make It

"Life Is What You Make It"

 Words that ring in my mind.  Words that my mother would say to me whenever I would complain about where my life was or the things that have happened to me.  Wisdom that I would foolishly not heed even though I could see the simple logic of it.  Even though Mom is gone now, I hope she knows that I finally get it.

 Let me start this week with my thanks and updates.  First, I would like to thank all of my friends and family for their outpouring of support again.  I would like to thank those that I have never met for their support as well.  We may not know each other but I consider you all friends.  This has been a great week for me but it has also had it's share of trials.  I can, with great joy, report that I weighed in this week at 578 lbs. a loss of 5 lbs. from last week and a total of 96 lbs. so far.  Check this out!

 I also have gone from a 74" waist to a 73" waist!  I am excited to watch as I slowly shrink.  I have spent the past week thinking about what I wanted to cover in this week's post.  I have decided that I would like to cover a few things so let's start here...

     This beautiful woman's name is Sally Jo Manzer but I just call her Mom.  As I have previously stated, Mom lost her battle with obesity this past February.  I can only try to put into words, for those that did not have the pleasure of knowing her, just how wonderful this woman was, but for those that did they were better people for it.  There is no person that I have ever loved more in my life and there is still a huge hole in my life that marks her absence.  I am putting it mildly by saying that my mother was a strong woman, but for all of her strength she was very fragile as well.  One of the greatest aspects about my mother was how she would protect those she loved fiercely. A trait that I would like to think I have inherited.  What I say next may not sit well with some that read this but this is my blog and these are my opinions.  As I have stated, Mom would always tell me "life is what you make it" and her life was made short by some of the poor coping methods she chose to use.  Sadly, I must admit that I have also inherited this trait as well.  I think that seeing my mother in her final days and the way she suffered, trapped in her own body was the missing piece that I needed to start me on my journey.  All knowledge has a price to be paid, as always my Mom would pay that price for me.  One last price so that I might learn.  I owe it to her to prove she did not go through all of that hell in vain.  I feel I also owe it to my loved ones so that they do not have to witness me in such a way.  I will always hold my mother in a special place in my heart but I will always remember all of her for both her good and bad lessons.  My life is not only what I make it but it will be what I remake it to be!
     Now I figured I would answer some of the questions that I have been asked over the past couple of weeks.  The most frequent question I received was about what kind of diet I was on or what was I eating to help me lose the weight?  I will answer it like this, and yes I know it sounds a bit corny but, I am not on a "diet" rather I have decided not to "Die Yet".  As simple as that sounds it works for me as a mantra each day.  I have decided to change my lifestyle and in the way I approach food.  Another piece of wisdom from my mother, that she could not seem to follow sadly, was to "eat to live not live to eat".  I associated food not only with comforting my pain but with celebration.  Every gathering or holiday was centered around food, that while delicious, was just not good for somebody with my addiction.  Changing my view of food has helped me to start to veer away from those bad habits.  I knew from experience that I would not be able to enforce my change of lifestyle alone.  I owe much of my success to my sister Becky and my Aunt Jackie.  My sister has been a phenomenal inspiration to me and a simple thank you to her for inviting me to my first meeting will never cover what it has meant to me.  My Aunt Jackie made it possible for me to start attending my meetings and I would not be where I am with out their support.  Now you may have noticed that I mentioned "my meetings".  Indeed I did.  I have been attending Weight Watchers meetings for a while now and I can honestly say that without the tools, structure, and support of this group I would not have been able to be successful.  This is not a paid advertisement by any means but anybody that needs a starting point in a battle with weight loss, weight watchers is it.  There is no judgement there, only support.  It is like a family that wants you to succeed in life!  The leaders are not just at a job, they truly care about you and have been through it all as well.  If you are interested you can find the info at www.weightwatchers.com .  My only other advice is to surround yourself with a multi-tiered support system.  I think I will cover that next week or perhaps my new "fun" exercise program that I am getting into.  Feel free to let me know if you have any topics you are interested in knowing about and I will continue to give you bits from my experiences.  Once again, thank you all for the support.  Your comments and questions continue to push me to succeed and are a constant encouragement.  I will leave you with this.  As a result of this blog, two of my dearest old friends have returned to my life to lend their support.  I have had it heavy on my heart for a long long time to find these two and after almost 15 years or so it was a true joy to speak to them and rekindle the friendships.  Remember, life is what you make it so make it better every day.  God bless you all.  To be continued...

Part 2 - Baby Steps

Hello and welcome to Part 2 of The Rendering.  I cannot express in words my heartfelt gratitude to all of you that took the time to read my words and embark on this journey of life with me.  I was humbled by all of your kind words and support, and it was truly needed this week.  Allow me to start with an update.  While I did not make huge strides this week I am happy to report I am now weighing in at 583lbs. down 1lb. more than I was before.  As I mentioned in my last post, some weeks will be better than others but even with baby steps you get to where you have your eyes set upon.  I have not strayed from my regimen of healthy eating so much this week but I have been dealing with an ever-fun leg infection and extreme sickness due to the heat.  Both of these cause me to retain fluid.  On a good note though the leg infection seems to be resolved and the weather is cooling down. I took a waist measurement that I will post to also keep track of progress.  My waist measures 74" so I will be happily anticipating watching that number shrink as I succeed.  So I did not have any questions posed to me this week so I thought about what I wanted to share.  Then I thought about the baby steps that I took toward my goal and read this...

 This is truly how I feel but not only do I want to inspire people battling with their own weight issues but perhaps inspire those that helped lead me or others to weight issues to change for the better.  I feel I should explain a bit.  I want to first say that I don't want this to be seen as an excuse or not taking responsibility for my own actions. In the end it was me that made the poor decisions and me that took the actions or lack there of that led to me being 674lbs. but there were many contributing factors that I will share over the coming weeks.  This weekend was a gathering of the Owego Free Academy class of 1993.  It was to celebrate our 20-year reunion.  I would see reminders constantly and it made me think, as an experience in whole, I hated almost everything about my schooling.  Not because of the work, I always have enjoyed learning as much as I could.  I didn't even mind the teachers, although at this point in life I should call them saints for trying to deal with me and my lack of homework...lol(yes, I liked learning but hated doing homework yet another STUPID decision I know).  The thing that made it such a miserable experience was the way most of the people treated me.  It is a very hard thing to be the "fat kid" going through school.  I was already on my way to having weight issues but other kids can be cruel.  Again, this is not an excuse but a fact.  Perhaps it is hard to understand how hurtful it is when you walk across a classroom to a chorus of "boom badda boom" with every footstep you take or for several of your classmates to watch you as you sit down and then they all jump up as if you caused an earthquake.  I wished I could say all of the childish taunting ended as we got older but it didn't.  In fact it got worse.  There was the "poke the fat" game just to watch me jiggle, or the trip the fat guy, or steal his clothes.  In gym class I was always a target especially in dodge ball, which by the way also seemed to require the yelling of a fat joke just before pelting me with that fun rubber ball.  That was just a sampling of the hell I went through and I couldn't even think about asking a girl out.  Rejection was bad enough, but the few attempts I did make during high school resulted in not only me being mocked but also the girl I had asked had to deal with the cruel jabs.  This generally resulted in the very girl I liked turning on me, but she would kindly say the insults in hushed tones behind my back or so she thought.  Well for me food was comforting.  I would turn all of my pain inward and when I got home I would find my favorite treats and a comfy seat and eat the pain away.  Now, don't get me wrong, not all of my classmates were like this but a majority of them were.  Even those that I considered friends would occasionally join in just to "belong".  I chose to deal with these issues poorly and I hope that anyone who reads this learns that you do have other options and that there are people that will support you.  Food is comforting in the short run but it can cause more pain than it will ever comfort.  Today this would be called "bullying" in schools but back in my day it was just what happened and I do not feel like a helpless victim.  I only mention this to share some of the reasons why I abused food looking for comfort.  While I do fully support freedom of speech, perhaps if even one person reads this part of my story they may think twice before saying a hurtful remark or engaging in a hurtful action.  Whatever point of view you see this from; this was just an experience of mine.  I have never really publicly admitted to holding onto that pain for so long and I am now letting that go and making wiser decisions.  That was this weeks story from my past now let's pop back to the present.  This week I will be starting my formal exercise routine.  I must, of course, start light, as my body is not accustomed to a large amount of strenuous activity but again, baby steps lead to full-on runs.  I will be taking walks and doing a "chair" workout.  I will also be lifting weights.  If anybody has any questions about any part of my life, please, I encourage you to ask.  There is no subject off limits.  One of my dreams is to change the way people view obesity.  I will end with this, I have told you about the amazing support I have gotten from my friends and family.  I have also spoken about the amazing support I have received from all who read this blog.  I would like to thank the management team at my place of employment, SourceHOV.  I have been employed with them for over seven years.  Due to numerous medical issues related to my obesity I have been a less than stellar employee in regards to attendance.  I used to pride myself on being a great employee and I have not been able to live up to my own expectations.  The management team has been phenomenal about working with me and helping me out.  I do not believe that I could find employment in my current state anywhere else so it means a great deal that they are so supportive.  I have also received words of encouragement and support on this journey from them.  They have been great and I sincerely thank them all.  I will leave this week's post with this thought...Any dream worth having is a dream worth fighting for.  Thank you again for your support and God bless you all. To be continue....

Part 1 - Welcome to the Beginning

You are going to die...words that can shake you to your very core....words that were spoken to me this past June by my doctor....words that are changing my life...

Let me introduce myself for any that may have come here and don't know me...my name is Michael Manzer....I am 38 years old and I am...well...to be blunt I am fat, large, heavy, big boned, rotund, robust, round and many other adjectives...I don't say these words to be self-deprecating but I acknowledge them because they are true and honest...look for yourself...

 

See, I wasn't kidding I am 6'3.5" and I weighed 674lbs. when the doctor shared this prediction with me.  My BMI(body mass index) was at an astronomical 81.95 and my blood pressure was at 142/100.  I am technically labeled "Super Morbidly Obese" and I could continue to list all of the maladies that accompany such a prestigious title but I can save that for another blog.  I can't explain why this time the doctor's words finally sunk in but they did.  I have tried before to change my lifestyle on many occasions with little to no success but this time I am determined to be successful.  As of this past Wednesday, I now currently weigh in at 584lbs., a full 90lbs. lighter.  I have been keeping updates posting on Facebook and I have been receiving massive amounts of support from family and friends.  I also have been receiving many questions as to how I am making it all work this time.  So I took a suggestion from a friend and have created this blog.  I am going to do a new posting every Sunday giving updates and sharing bits of my journey.  I will add pics so you all can see my progress.  Now, while I look forward to your comments and questions I would ask kindly that we keep this posting a place of positivity.  I encourage freedom of speech but I say please think before posting ignorant comments.  It is my intention to not only make this a post about my progress but to be able to help people who struggle with weight issues by offering encouragement and tips that I have found and am finding useful.  My other goal is to make this a completely free and open forum where anybody can ask me a question about any facet of my life or how it is to live a life as an obese man.  I have found that many people don't comprehend the day to day struggles that obesity causes and I have found that most of the cruel comments that come from people are based in ignorance of what it is like.  I am on my way to success but I am by far not even near the finish line.  I have changed my lifestyle drastically but it is a day to day struggle.  There will be weeks when I am not able to say I lost weight or even that I might have to admit to gaining some, but one of the first lessons I had to embrace was this, it isn't the falling down that matters, it is the ability to dust off and plod forward with your chin up and your eyes on the prize.  Over the coming weeks I would love to see people's thoughts and encouragement.  I will be sharing stories about my growing up and things that I think contributed to making me what I am today.  I will share stories of my family and especially of my Mom who sadly lost her battle with obesity this past February.  Her story is one that has helped to motivate me in this battle I face.  I gladly will answer any questions about my medical issues due to my obesity and how I am working on correcting them.  I will share my goals and dreams and what I hope to become.  I leave you this week with a thought that I have adopted to help me.  You can not succeed and hope that others will love you if you can't love yourself.  I have started to love me for me again and it has given me a whole new outlook on life.  I hope you all stick with me through this journey and I thank you all for your support.  Stay tuned because "The Rendering" is bound to be an interesting and life changing trip...God bless you all...to be continued...